Please, let me fuck your mom
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
