Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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