Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
