DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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