Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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