That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My bed smells like the plague
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