what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
