planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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