why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
