Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
