you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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