when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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