I faked an abortion last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
