just tell him i said nine months
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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