My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
