According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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