nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
