his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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