My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
