I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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