No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize