i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize