did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
