You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
