I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
