You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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