plz talk dirty to me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize