You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
