Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
