He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize