Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
