Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My balls are so social today.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
