he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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