Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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