I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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