Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
