i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
