You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize