i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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