when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
