I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
