North Korea, Best Korea!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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