The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
