my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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