I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My vagina is officially offended.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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