never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
