im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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