I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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