Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
