Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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