I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize