wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
