yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
