You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
