I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
