I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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