It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
