dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
