3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
