She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
