It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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