are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
