covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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