He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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