I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
