wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
