took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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