What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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