he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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