Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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