i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
