please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
