Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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