life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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