Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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