is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
