in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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