a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
