I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize