At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
