Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
