its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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