Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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