My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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