Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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