News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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