I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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