worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
